Dear friend,
Don't be in a hurry to be in love.
Slow down. Take in the morning, have a cup of coffee, and listen to your favorite song. Rest in the morning light before it gets too hectic for you to notice it in the downtown traffic and glare of tall, glass buildings if you're in a big city. Enjoy the quiet before the chaos of life drowns out all of the good ideas and thoughts you had when you were dreaming or when you first woke up this morning.
Take in the life that you are living, and live it well.
Slow down, and be where you are now. And where you are now is without a hand to hold, a mouth to kiss, or someone to have on Valentine's. "Alone."
Here's the best advice I can give. Be alone. Be alone and take in all the wonderful things that come with it. Go to that country you've wanted to go to ever since you were little. Get as many degrees as your heart desires, go to Graduate school, be a journeyman, work for the peace corp, or intern with the World Food Program in Rome (I know someone doing the last one right now). Go to that concert that's really far away and requires a road trip to get there. Do that thing you want to do because you have all the time in the world to do it. Be by yourself in glorious silence and watch a movie, write a letter or a book, or take a bubble bath. Move to that city you always wanted to move to. Get that dog you always wanted. Spend your late nights and early mornings watching old black and white films at your neighbor's and best friend's house. Bake chocolate chip cookies, and share a bottle of wine with them. Turn on the record player and dance like fools in the living room and laugh until you cry and want to collapse; sleepy, happy, and full on the floor. Go out with your friends, and dance like idiots in public places, and laugh obnoxiously, because there isn't any reason not to, and there's no one for you to embarrass but yourself, and embarrassing yourself can be one of the most freeing things you can do. In fact, be brave enough to enjoy the freedom you have been gifted, not cursed, with.
Stay up all night and share your heart with your best friend. Go with them on long drives to nowhere and talk for hours as if the car is a confessional and something holy between the two of you, because it is. Lay in the middle of a deserted street late at night when the moon is full and then talk about nothing in particular. Walk through a cow pasture and chase a cow...because it's funny, and you'll remember it forever.
Learn to do something you've always wanted to. Take piano lessons, learn to read sheet music, take a kick boxing class, or start a kitchen garden. Take up running, bird house building, crocheting. Be like some of my friends who make incredible things from nothing and then hang it on your wall. Paint, learn math if you love math, make a film, learn to be a photographer if you love photographs. Find the things you love, and learn to do them: Maybe you'll be terrible at it, but I assure you, you'll be better after trying than you were before. Learn to create something, build something, or do something, because you have all the time in the world to master it.
You're young and intelligent and interesting and funny and beautiful, and God is just waiting for you to discover it, and to find him and yourself, and the wonderful and full things in them both.
I wrote a poem once, and at one point I wrote, "The universe is my candle, I hold it in my hands." And you know what, it's true. The potential, the hope, and many wonderful things and experiences exist and were created by God for you and they are so, so good, and they are waiting for you. So chase hard and fast after them.
Don't be in a hurry to love. Because love is patient and kind and it's easy going and calm like the morning light. It's like a buttery warm bagel or a cup of hot chocolate: sweet, and warm, and cozy. It's not in a rush, it isn't a list of "to do's," it isn't on a time line, and it certainly isn't hiding from you.
I was single for 9 year, all the way to 25, which in the South can be concerning to some in the congregation. They were some of the hardest, most challenging, confusing, and weirdest years of my life, but they resulted in the most familiar, wisest, beautiful, courageous, and victorious years of my life. And you know what, I'm incredibly thankful for them. I have good stories to remember, and better yet good stories to write and tell.
I once prayed I could be like someone I hoped to become, and God and time and long conversations with soul-male friends, and most importantly, being alone, have all made me more and more like her.
The single most important thing I learned is to stop living for the future. Don't be in a hurry to be in love. Don't live for the day you belong to someone else, because for now, you belong to God and yourself, and it's enough. It's more than enough. Years and time and happiness are all wasted living for something that isn't here yet or living in fear that it will never come.
Love is easy, and when it's time, finding it will be easy, and you'll know it when it comes. So, dear friend, know that love doesn't require you scrambling about looking for it, it doesn't need you to stand in a long and stagnant line to get your ticket, and it doesn't need you to panic. It needs you to go find yourself in the time you have, to do the wonderful things you want and need to do, it needs you to live a happy and full life because it's coming for you, and you'll never see it coming. I promise.
your knowing friend,
martha lee anne
