Singleness. The sound of that word can either bring about a peaceful smile knowing the Lord will bring about Mr. Right when the time comes, or the epic du du dum where you envision yourself as the notorious old woman with cats clinging to the furniture, covering the floors, and hanging off of your shoulders as your wear a miserable frown. Reality Check. Singleness, as Lady in Waiting taught me, is not a curse that eludes happiness, but really it is a gift that allows one the privilege of spending their heart’s time on the Lord.
Now, I know that most singles freak out at the thought of not getting married before thirty and even the prospect of never getting married at all, but after reading this book I learned to step out of the ideal relationship box and take a different look at singleness. How many of us spend as much as an hour getting ready before going on a date? Come on ladies, how many days before do we constantly try on our new little black dress and maybe even dance around? We invest so much of our lives into working out, getting attractive clothing, and making an effort to be appealing to the opposite sex in hopes of getting the date, the ring…the wedding. Those desires for marriage are natural and God given desires, but to look upon singleness as a negative and not a positive requires a change of heart. God makes us single for this solitary purpose: When we're single we should have more time to devote to him and to our spiritual growth.
I know this may seem radical, but think of God as the man or woman you are pursuing. With any other prospect you would spend time with them; talking to them, listening to them, learning about who they are, what they like, and things that make them tick. You learn about who they are so that you may know them more and hopefully pursue something more with them. Though God may seem like the all powerful who doesn’t really need us, he wants the same. He wants to be our one and only love, and he wants to know you, your thoughts, and heart. Hosea depicts God as the abandoned lover perfectly. It reveals God’s desire to be called beloved and to be our first love. To run from singleness with loathing and run towards others’ arms or even other things to fill your life is to run away from God and the gift he hopes he is offering you; the chance to spend more time with him. By spending time with him we can in turn spend time with others, offering our services. We have time to help with a bible study, to go abroad on a mission trip, and we have time to read and study the word. Relationships take time and effort, and though they are wonderful, they require sacrifice. Once married with children, a quiet time might not be possible like it was during singleness. God is not holding out on you, he is giving you time to explore your faith, a relationship with him, and he is teaching you to be satisfied in him alone.
Too often we claim that we would be better off if we were dating, but after reading this book I learned that even married men and women struggle with unsatisfied hearts. The reason for this unsatisfication is due to attempting to fill the space in your heart God has reserved for himself, with what people thought was meant for their significant other. If you take advantage of this time of singleness to devote yourself completely to God and become a woman or a man of abandonment, then you will learn to let God satisfy all of your needs, and all of your heart's desires. Psalms 37:4 says, "delight yourselves in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Through knowing God, our desires, our hearts, will be satisfied. Notice that we CANNOT have the desires of our heats satisfied without first filling a void meant for God. A boyfriend/girlfriend, not even a spouse can satisfy that place in your heart. God uses singleness as a time to teach you satisfaction so that in marriage you will not rely on your spouse to be everything that God is capable of being.
Too often we think God might have overlooked our heart's desires by subjecting us to short and even permanent singleness, but it is vital to remember that "all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them ever came to be" psalms 139:14-18. He knows the perfect plan for all of us, in a way that we can’t even begin to fathom. If you are having a relationship with him or pursing him wholeheartedly like you would your knight in shining armor or lovely lady, then you should trust that he knows your best, and can therefore satisfy you best. I know Mr. or Mrs. Right is so hard to get out of your head, but take a look at the one who holds the world in his hands, fights for you, calls you beloved, and did the most romantic gesture ever by dying for you…that kind of love can’t be found in another human being.
1) I want to be loved..."..I have loved you with an everlasting love.."...Jer. 31.3
2) I want someone to adore me..."The King had brought me into his chambers to adore me, My lover is outstanding amont 10,000 ...Songs 1:4,5:10
3) I want to be accpeted and valued..."I am accepted in the Beloved.. Eph 1:6
4) I want a champion of my causes- one who is willing to fight for me.."The Lord will fight for you..Ex 14:14
5)I want someone to help me in my life. "There is no one like God who rides the heavens to help you..Deut 33:26
6) I want to share my life-the joys and the struggles- with one person. "God will share with me the treasures of darkness and hidden riches."..Is. 45:3
I hope this will help some of you if this is a struggle of yours, and help you get back into a relationship with God. A time of singleness is really a opportunity and a time to become the person God desires for you to be.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Am I Beautiful?
"Am I Beautiful?"
It is a question that most of us women, if not all of us, linger on every morning when we are brushing our hair, putting on our makeup, or trying to decide if today is going to be a t-shirt day or a “cute” day. Am I beautiful? We might not wonder if the sun envies us like the fair Juliet, but something in us is screaming at the top of its lungs just to hear someone tell us that we are breathtaking, though pretty would do. We want a movie scene where a man knows every shade of our eyes, where everyone happens to look to the top of the staircase where we stand gleaming in our dress, or maybe a few compliments would do. It is healthy and natural for us as women to worry whether we are beautiful or not, because in wondering, we search for what real beauty is. Sadly, we find ourselves searching in all the wrong places: We end up watching movies where the beauty has long legs and a short skirt, comparing ourselves to women in our classrooms or offices, or watching those plastic surgery shows where beauty is only a breast augmentation or liposuction away. Our idea of beauty is often distorted by worldly views and too often it leads one to a devastating sense of self, and possibly, even worth. God created us in His image, and that image is not flawed. We are beautiful, but we have to learn to recognize what genuine beauty is and stop settling for the counterfeited. God tells us what true beauty is, and surprisingly, it has nothing to do with your weight, height, or cup size, but instead, “matters of the heart.” If we could only see ourselves from God’s eyes, the eyes of the beholder, we wouldn’t even need to question the reflection in the mirror.
The Woman God Created You to Be
As silly as it sounds, women remind me of shoes: We can be feminine, sporty, tall, short, curvy, flat, simple, eccentric, a range of colors, and let’s not forget that we come in all sizes. However wonderful and diverse that sounds, some of us can’t wait until we have that bump on our nose removed or lose just fifteen more pounds. We “know” that everyone is different, yet we live as if we should all be the same. The point is that we are buying into the lies of counterfeited beauty and what it “should” look like. Ironically, taller women wish they were a little shorter because short is cute, but short women would love to be taller, because no one realizes that when your short, fat has nowhere to go but out. Women with freckles do everything to get rid of them, while those without would lay in the sun all day to get just one. Curvy women might think they look a little bigger, but we sticks wish we had something to fill out our new jeans. We all know laying out can cause skin cancer, sun spots, and wrinkles, yet we are determined to have a tan because that’s what everyone says is beautiful. If you notice the cycle, you will see that we are all trying to be each other. We all desire each other’s gifts, talents, and especially physical features, but if all of these wishes were granted, we would all be walking clones of each other. We are all unique for a reason, and that uniqueness is awesome. I love walking to class and admiring long hair, short hair, curly hair, small noses, big noses, and even the way other women walk. Each one of us is an original painting that has been personally signed by God, and it is such a shame if we never look at ourselves as a masterpiece, but instead, blot out this or redo that or even crop out a whole section just because we can’t see through God’s eyes and appreciate just how beautiful we truly are. Psalms 139: 14-18 says:
For you formed my inward parts;
You knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
When I was being made in secret,
Intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance
God didn’t just throw on those freckles and “weird” nose. No, we are “intricately woven”. We are each designed and created, and we are each “wonderfully made.” It does not matter what the world says is beautiful, because we are not the world’s creation, we are God’s. Once we realize we all have a specific blue-print, it should be so easy to embrace everything about our body and face, even our flaws and quirks, because those had just as much time in creation as everything else. Being satisfied with yourself will bring about an acceptance and a confidence in yourself that you might have never felt before, and it will certainly be a way for you to praise the Lord.
Beauty is as Beauty Does
My mom has been telling me this endlessly for years, but it came to my attention that God said it way before she was ever born. Let me ask you a question. How many of you have met a woman who was absolutely beautiful, but after five minutes of talking to her, you could swear that the grim reaper was just behind her flowing, thick, and perfectly groomed hair? I can’t even begin to count the number of times I’ve watched a perceived angel turn into a snarling monster, but it is in those moments that I realize that beauty really is as beauty does. In first peter 3:4 it says "But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." He also says in 1 Samuel 16:7 “…For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on his appearance or on the height of his stature, but the Lord looks on the heart.” As you can see, beauty has absolutely nothing to do with outer appearances, though what is on the outside was created carefully by God, it is the heart that matters most. I’m reminded of a song by Bethany Dillon called “Beautiful,” and my favorite part is “look inside my heart and be amazed”: I know we care about what we look like, but I know for a fact that we care more about who we are. We want people to know our deepest thoughts, and feelings, and desires. We want them to see the good in us, and that is wonderful since that is what God desires most for us. I’m so thankful that the Lord tells us that the heart is more important than face, but I love that he tells us how to achieve beauty of the heart. He tells us to look to Him to be our mirror. In Galatians 5:22 are listed the fruit of the spirit, the things that God tells us to pursue, and there is nothing in there about makeup or how to wear your hair, but instead, he lists “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, and faithfulness.” If you are able to see these things in your life, you are on your way to being a beauty that will not fade, and a beauty that brings a smile to God. By striving to mirror God’s character, you will become a woman of integrity and a woman who knows confidence because she does not live by the world’s standards, but by her Heavenly Father’s. It is inevitable that our hair will turn gray, our faces will sag, and our bodies just won’t be what they were at twenty: We will no longer be “beautiful” in the eyes of men, but when our outer beauty is gone, will our true beauty be gone as well? I hope not. I hope people see our generosity, kind hearts, willingness to help those in need, and our hearts for the Lord
Beauty in the Lord
Of course it is easy to read the above and accept it, and even feel motivated to stop obsessing over things like appearance and clothes, but unless we are walking hand in hand with the Lord, that can be impossible; this is made apparent in Proverbs 30:31 which says, "charm is deceitful and beauty is vain but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." In other words, the woman who walks closely with the Lord is constantly learning from him and growing in faith, and so, she is constantly trying to obtain a heart after the Lord’s. Just like a rose plucked from its life source, we wilt within days of being removed from Christ. We can’t expect to rid of worldly views of beauty if we separate ourselves from our Creator who is the one teaching us what real beauty is. The moment we stop searching His truth, we will slowly become immersed, once again, in the world’s views of beauty.
Beauty is not in a magazine, it’s not in Webster’s Dictionary, or in a perfect face. It is in knowing God. Beauty is being satisfied with who God created you to be, and then actively pursuing looking not like the world, but like Christ. Pursue having His heart, and I can guarantee that you will obtain a beauty that is described in Songs of Solomon as " a lily among the brambles."
It is a question that most of us women, if not all of us, linger on every morning when we are brushing our hair, putting on our makeup, or trying to decide if today is going to be a t-shirt day or a “cute” day. Am I beautiful? We might not wonder if the sun envies us like the fair Juliet, but something in us is screaming at the top of its lungs just to hear someone tell us that we are breathtaking, though pretty would do. We want a movie scene where a man knows every shade of our eyes, where everyone happens to look to the top of the staircase where we stand gleaming in our dress, or maybe a few compliments would do. It is healthy and natural for us as women to worry whether we are beautiful or not, because in wondering, we search for what real beauty is. Sadly, we find ourselves searching in all the wrong places: We end up watching movies where the beauty has long legs and a short skirt, comparing ourselves to women in our classrooms or offices, or watching those plastic surgery shows where beauty is only a breast augmentation or liposuction away. Our idea of beauty is often distorted by worldly views and too often it leads one to a devastating sense of self, and possibly, even worth. God created us in His image, and that image is not flawed. We are beautiful, but we have to learn to recognize what genuine beauty is and stop settling for the counterfeited. God tells us what true beauty is, and surprisingly, it has nothing to do with your weight, height, or cup size, but instead, “matters of the heart.” If we could only see ourselves from God’s eyes, the eyes of the beholder, we wouldn’t even need to question the reflection in the mirror.
The Woman God Created You to Be
As silly as it sounds, women remind me of shoes: We can be feminine, sporty, tall, short, curvy, flat, simple, eccentric, a range of colors, and let’s not forget that we come in all sizes. However wonderful and diverse that sounds, some of us can’t wait until we have that bump on our nose removed or lose just fifteen more pounds. We “know” that everyone is different, yet we live as if we should all be the same. The point is that we are buying into the lies of counterfeited beauty and what it “should” look like. Ironically, taller women wish they were a little shorter because short is cute, but short women would love to be taller, because no one realizes that when your short, fat has nowhere to go but out. Women with freckles do everything to get rid of them, while those without would lay in the sun all day to get just one. Curvy women might think they look a little bigger, but we sticks wish we had something to fill out our new jeans. We all know laying out can cause skin cancer, sun spots, and wrinkles, yet we are determined to have a tan because that’s what everyone says is beautiful. If you notice the cycle, you will see that we are all trying to be each other. We all desire each other’s gifts, talents, and especially physical features, but if all of these wishes were granted, we would all be walking clones of each other. We are all unique for a reason, and that uniqueness is awesome. I love walking to class and admiring long hair, short hair, curly hair, small noses, big noses, and even the way other women walk. Each one of us is an original painting that has been personally signed by God, and it is such a shame if we never look at ourselves as a masterpiece, but instead, blot out this or redo that or even crop out a whole section just because we can’t see through God’s eyes and appreciate just how beautiful we truly are. Psalms 139: 14-18 says:
For you formed my inward parts;
You knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
When I was being made in secret,
Intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance
God didn’t just throw on those freckles and “weird” nose. No, we are “intricately woven”. We are each designed and created, and we are each “wonderfully made.” It does not matter what the world says is beautiful, because we are not the world’s creation, we are God’s. Once we realize we all have a specific blue-print, it should be so easy to embrace everything about our body and face, even our flaws and quirks, because those had just as much time in creation as everything else. Being satisfied with yourself will bring about an acceptance and a confidence in yourself that you might have never felt before, and it will certainly be a way for you to praise the Lord.
Beauty is as Beauty Does
My mom has been telling me this endlessly for years, but it came to my attention that God said it way before she was ever born. Let me ask you a question. How many of you have met a woman who was absolutely beautiful, but after five minutes of talking to her, you could swear that the grim reaper was just behind her flowing, thick, and perfectly groomed hair? I can’t even begin to count the number of times I’ve watched a perceived angel turn into a snarling monster, but it is in those moments that I realize that beauty really is as beauty does. In first peter 3:4 it says "But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." He also says in 1 Samuel 16:7 “…For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on his appearance or on the height of his stature, but the Lord looks on the heart.” As you can see, beauty has absolutely nothing to do with outer appearances, though what is on the outside was created carefully by God, it is the heart that matters most. I’m reminded of a song by Bethany Dillon called “Beautiful,” and my favorite part is “look inside my heart and be amazed”: I know we care about what we look like, but I know for a fact that we care more about who we are. We want people to know our deepest thoughts, and feelings, and desires. We want them to see the good in us, and that is wonderful since that is what God desires most for us. I’m so thankful that the Lord tells us that the heart is more important than face, but I love that he tells us how to achieve beauty of the heart. He tells us to look to Him to be our mirror. In Galatians 5:22 are listed the fruit of the spirit, the things that God tells us to pursue, and there is nothing in there about makeup or how to wear your hair, but instead, he lists “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, and faithfulness.” If you are able to see these things in your life, you are on your way to being a beauty that will not fade, and a beauty that brings a smile to God. By striving to mirror God’s character, you will become a woman of integrity and a woman who knows confidence because she does not live by the world’s standards, but by her Heavenly Father’s. It is inevitable that our hair will turn gray, our faces will sag, and our bodies just won’t be what they were at twenty: We will no longer be “beautiful” in the eyes of men, but when our outer beauty is gone, will our true beauty be gone as well? I hope not. I hope people see our generosity, kind hearts, willingness to help those in need, and our hearts for the Lord
Beauty in the Lord
Of course it is easy to read the above and accept it, and even feel motivated to stop obsessing over things like appearance and clothes, but unless we are walking hand in hand with the Lord, that can be impossible; this is made apparent in Proverbs 30:31 which says, "charm is deceitful and beauty is vain but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." In other words, the woman who walks closely with the Lord is constantly learning from him and growing in faith, and so, she is constantly trying to obtain a heart after the Lord’s. Just like a rose plucked from its life source, we wilt within days of being removed from Christ. We can’t expect to rid of worldly views of beauty if we separate ourselves from our Creator who is the one teaching us what real beauty is. The moment we stop searching His truth, we will slowly become immersed, once again, in the world’s views of beauty.
Beauty is not in a magazine, it’s not in Webster’s Dictionary, or in a perfect face. It is in knowing God. Beauty is being satisfied with who God created you to be, and then actively pursuing looking not like the world, but like Christ. Pursue having His heart, and I can guarantee that you will obtain a beauty that is described in Songs of Solomon as " a lily among the brambles."
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