The White Hot Chocolate Intervention

There are many who believe that God is capable of reaching out to us. I don't mean those instances of church going, or woship singing when you feel warm and fuzzy and such. I mean in those times when you really need Him, when you need to know that everything is okay, that the plan is in motion and you are in it. When the quiet is too quiet. And all the glasses lying around the house are convenintly half-empty.

In those times, you want a personalized letter with a signature reading, "Sincerely, God."

You want a great, loud, and low voice to boom through the clouds and drown out the sappy music playing on your, "I'm depressed" playlist, also known as "damien rice, mumford and sons, and ray lamontagne." Earthquakes, white doves, and angel messengers would do too, though.

You want a face-to-face convo. , a text, an e-mail, a facebook message, a note mysteriously left under your door.

You want this and more.

I guess what I should just say is that you want God to be real to you. Personalized. Genuine. You want to see the relationship in motion, not the present stalemate of being stuck in that chapter in the bible with all of the names...which isn't speaking so loudly to you right now...not making you feel the warm and fuzzy, but instead, that awkward silence.

They say God reaches out to us. I guess I am too often a skeptic buying into the illusion of a bright light sitting on a throne thousands and thousands and lightyears away from me.

Call me crazy, but I'm confident that there are "conincidences" so personalized that you can find a God signature if you looked hard enough. I can't tell you what they are, that's for you to figure out. But the point is, I think God sends us letters, we just have to be able to read them once they fall in front of us. And it's in those moments- the ones that are apparanlty insignificant to others- that I know God is close beside me.

Since school started, I've been in limbo. The "I don't know what I want, where my life is going, what's going on here?" limbo. Quite frankly, it's exhausting being anxious and worried all of the time, especially over things that I literally feel like I have no control over. But you understand this, or at least, you will.

The weather hasn't been helping either. Overcast, cold, grey. Every day. As if to say, "hey martha lee anne, I know how you've been feeling so I'm going to rub it in."

So last week, I was shuffling along. Glaring at the grey sky. And every night was the same thought...

"God, make yourself real to me. Let me know you're here and it'll be ok. I can't be ok unless I know you're still here with me."

And this morning, the sky was blue. And I'm sure I was wearing my "contemplative" face all the way to the library. And I thought, "God, let me know you're here and everything will work out ok."

And I pushed the doors aside.

And I was thinking today would feel like yesterday's.

And there it was.

A free
white hot chocolate.

Being handed to me.

I looked around, and noone else was there to take it from the cashier who just stepped out of her door. And she said, "hey, will you take this? I made it by accident."

At which I respond..."Yeah.".......I begin to walk away..."thanks."

And that was it.

That was what I was waiting for.

Oh roll your eyes all you want, but that white hot chocolate was my letter, not yours. And it said this.

"Dear Martha Lee Anne,
I've been there these past few weeks, and I've noticed how much you love hot white chocolate coffee. I noticed how much peace and optimism and hope you feel when you drink it while sitting with your friends, and how relieved you are then. I've noticed that you associate hot white chocolate drinks with comfort. I've been listening to you're worried prayers, and quiet whispers between brushing teeth, and putting on your boots, and locking the door. I've seen your heart, and I know it, but I know what's coming, and it's alright.

I'm here. I'm listening. And as "coincedental" as you may think this, I love you enough to buy you a cup of hot white choclate today. And in five minuets, your mom will tell you it's all going to be alright, and you're going to feel peace, and you're going to know it's all going to work out. And you'll drink your white hot chocolate, and you'll think of me. And that's just what I wanted from you. So I love you, and I'll be there tomorrow. Sincerly, God."

That's it. That was my divine letter today. And I have not one doubt about whose signature was on it. Call it "coincedence," but I call it love and grace.

I'm convinced that God reaches out to us sometimes in what appears to be nothing at all to the person standing next to you. But this is what makes it yours, and not theirs....This is what makes it your letter. Your relationship. Your love. Your grace.