October Love

Before I begin my long explanation of my new found love of October, I would like to state that yes, I did change the name of my blog from “hearth, heaven, and everything in-between,” to “Brave Little Toaster”

1. Because writing the previous title just took too long
2. Because it didn’t riiiiiiing with me.

I recently remembered a time when a friend of mine called me the brave little toaster in high school, and because I’m not very witty, clever, or very creative when it comes to blog naming, I went with a memory. I don’t know if my blog title has anything to do with anything in this blog, but I like it, and it reminds me of the kind of person I’d like to be. I also changed the color of my blog because the black was depressing and the white letters were killing my eyes.

Ehem. So as I was going to say. I declare today, and perhaps for several years- we never know how these things go- October as my favorite month. You might be thinking to yourself, “Martha Lee Anne is the devil; how dare she prefer the month of ghouls and witches over months with things like Santy, and a giant turkey (I’m going to really let you think about who’s cooler now…Turkey lover), and Bunnies that hide eggs-and on that note, have the kids not figured out yet that it should be an Easter Chicken?

In summary, it occurred to me that October is the best month, and because I don’t feel like romancing you with paragraphs, I’ll keep things simple-generic- and in a list. Lists seem to be useful here lately; I might as well keep it going.

1. Kite season people, kite season. And whoever decided kites were just for kids needs to go eat a heaping bowl of Trix

2. October is a lady’s man (a season’s man?). He comes in saying he’s in with autumn, but in the morning you could swear it was winter. And then, as noon approaches, he’s hanging out with summer and its warm enough for you to wear your shorts and hang in the hammock outside. But later in the afternoon, the leaves rustle, the wind blows, and yep, He’s definitely only seeing autumn…or is he really? I tell you, he’s good.

3. The sky is the bluest in October. This may seem insignificant, but I find this very appealing…

4. October is the only time you can throw back shots of Reese’ Cups as passer-byers announce that there is a new pumpkin shape available. During any other month, if you were seen buying bags of candy, talking about the different shades of Reese’s, and making popcorn hands people would assume that
1. You just had a terrible breakup and now the only “sugar” you’re getting comes from the candy isle (that was so cheesy, and yet, so awesome) annnnd 2. I have no idea. I’ve never seen “normal” people do any of those things outside of October, which just proves my point.

5. October sky is a great movie

6. Blue October is a great band

7. Football season. Yes, I’m aware that football season begins BEFORE October, but I’d like to see you sit in a stadium at Auburn, Alabama during a game day...it’s not awesome, it’s freaking hot.

8. Yesterday, I carved my first jack-o-lantern. I might have accidently put a hole in my left palm, but it was nothing a little band aid couldn’t fix, or the feeling one gets when allowed to use reaalllly sharp knives on something other than cutting a sandwich in half or cutting chicken. Kiss “no playing with knives” goodbye….though I would advise you to aim carving in the opposite direction of your body to prevent injury. Knives are fun..missing body pieces, not so much.

9. “Trick or treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat.” Try using this when you go visit your neighbor in March and tell me how that works out for you.

10. SCARY MOVES! Yes! They are finally here.
The classiscs: Jason, Halloween, Nightmare on Elm Street, The Shining, The Exorcist, Poltergeist, Chucky ( I hate that doll)
The newbies: The Grudge, Shudder (saw this one the other day), Paranormal Activity, The Exorcism of Emily Rose, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (old one is pretty creepy), Resident Evil ( I love these movies)
The Icangotobediwthouthavingnightmares: The Night before Christmas, Hocus Pocus, The Corpse Bride, Edward Scissor Hands, Donnie Dark, Sleepy Hollow, The Boogy Man (if you have not seen this, go watch it. now.)
Oh the nightmares I might have, and the 90 minutes I spend hugging a pillow in suspense, but I am addicted to the scary movie. My roommate does not share my taste for the scary, kind of gross, and maybe just disturbing, but October graciously provides all the scary I need for the year, allowing my roommate to pick out all the chick flicks she can handle. Though I do like scary, I might not be able to bring myself to watch The Last Exorcism by myself…demon/ghost stuff just freaks me out.

11. ARrrrrg…in October, if I want to be a pirate, dag gummite, I can be a pirate. If I don’t want to brush my hair, and wear an eye patch, and put on hideous red lipstick and eyeliner, I can. I can wear red and white striped stockings and a fake bird on my shoulder. I can say “ARrrrrg” after everything I say, and be considered a completely sane individual. (I would like to state, however, that I have yet to be a pirate for Halloween, but it will happen)

That’s all. I think the list makes some pretty valid points at why October is the best month of the year. And because I am a huge fan of all things cheesy and stupid, I will leave you with words of wisdom…

Me: “What’s the Pirate’s favorite letter in the Alphabet??
You: (laughing at the obviousness of the answer) “Rrrrrrr.”
Me: (laughing at all you still have to learn, while using my best pirate voice): “Nooooo, it’s the Ceeee”

p.s. I use this joke many times a year, and I never fail to laugh… a lot when saying “ceeeeeee”.
p.s.s. Trick or treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat.
P.s.s.s. (is that even allowed?) if you didn’t know…the above is from a song, yes, a real song. And I’ll leave the lyrics so you can laugh at them, and then, secretly, try to memorize them.

It was very late one Halloween night,
after all the trick-or-treaters were sound asleep.
I thought I heard a knock on my front door,
so I snuggled down deeper into my sheets.
The knock kept knocking, louder and louder.
Finally it knocked me wide awake.
I tumbled downstairs to see what was the matter, (really? Tumbled down stairs.are you sure you don't need a neck brace? An Ambulance?)
yelled, "What do you want, for goodness sake?" and heard,

Chorus:
"Trick or treat, smell my feet.
Give me something good to eat.
If you don't, I won't be sad.
I'll just make you wish you had!"
It was a tiny old troll with a long white beard,
a pointy red hat, and a crooked grin.
I said, "Listen kid, that's a really cute costume,
but I ran out of candy at half-past ten."
I slammed the door and I locked all the latches,
took two aspirin for my aching head, (ahhh, there we go, some aspirin for that tumble)
went back to my room and was startled to discover
that rude little troll sitting on my bed! He said,

(chorus)
I decided to find out who was in the costume.
I pinned him down and yanked his beard.
The troll cried "Ouch!" and ran into the corner.
He hopped three times and disappeared.
I woke the next morning, happily believing
that the funny little troll was only a dream.
I turned on the TV, and guess who I saw singing
in his pointy red hat on channel three? He sang,

(chorus)
I flipped around through all the different channels.
Every single one was Troll TV.
I pulled the plug, but that was only the beginning.
All week long the troll pestered me.
He kept popping up in the least likely places.
Twenty three times I chased him away.
His crooked little grin was driving me crazy,
and by now you know all he had to say was
(chorus)

Finally I did the only thing that I could think of.
I bought a half-pound bag of sweets.
That day the troll was hiding in the bathtub
when I found him and I gave him his trick-or-treat.
He tucked the candy underneath his hat,
then he hopped three times and he disappeared.
And though he never did come back,
I still dream about the troll with the long white beard


….your welcome for that….I personally think the troll needs rehab, The girl needs to get over her crush for the troll, and where are the parents?